Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
