He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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