wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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