and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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