The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
