I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
