Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
