More tranny stories later!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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