Don't you send me to vm
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
