Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
