I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
