How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
