so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
