can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
