I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
