every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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