I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
