Yo dont text me then not text me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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