She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
