i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
