remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
