I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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