So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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