First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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