My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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