Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
