There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
