honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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