saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
