fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
