Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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