I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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