I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
