in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
