Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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