after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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