new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
nutella sex= disaster
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
