you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
