um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
