In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my being single is dangerous.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
