I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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