What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
