I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
