Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
