Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
