my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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