i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
