hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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