I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
