he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
