so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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