Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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