Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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