she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
