It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
