omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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