so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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