I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
