dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
