she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
