On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
