So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
