So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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