I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I touched a dick in church today
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
