how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
