that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
