Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
