why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
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you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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