I just pynch a tree in the face
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
